A Recovery from Alcohol Abuse

I could go into statistics but, I do not really want to hammer away at statistics. My reasoning is that statistics is just numbers and figures. We can find so many statistics when we Google it. But, it is not a person. It is reality clad in a softer mesh, statistics. Statistics can never share reality. Only a human can share the truth. Be it the user and abuser, or be it the victims. I dare say victims because in any given situation where you find alcohol abuse, there are more than one victim. The worst part is, you only realize it when you are truly sober.

In this article, I will mostly keep to my personal case. That is what I experienced and what I know. I will try and not soften the reality of it to spare myself. That is part of beating the problem.

My Personal Symptoms

Unfortunately, I got involved with alcohol at an early age. I guess I cannot say that I really regret it. A part of me is regretful, a part of me says; 'Today I am in a position to talk about it and help others.'

The early years of drinking started out as the 'ordinary', social drinking bouts. Then not to soon afterwards, I found myself in a work-situation where most of my peers were older than me. That was where the dangerous part of drinking started, though it was put down as being 'naughty'. I started drinking at work and it used to be an achievement to do so and getting away with it.

I realized that it was getting dangerous and could be detrimental to my family. I decided to call it quits and stopped drinking for 2 years. That was good. I always thought myself as being a bit of a rebel, and used my sober status as a brag. I used to go to pubs with my friends, just to have them take on people who tried to nag me into drinking. It soon became evident that I was sober for all the wrong reasons. Then also, being sober, everybody got louder. Soon, I decided to join in and became the main drinker again.

My drinking habits were on an up-and-down through many years. All the same, nobody could ever convince me that I was drinking excessively. While you are under the influence, you don't think much of it. When you sober up, you can't remember that it was that bad.

I only realize it today that one problem with my drinking, was my own high metabolism. I had to drink so much more, and could drink so much more than the average person. It was hardly a problem to drink 40 tap-draughts in a sitting.

I was often warned that I had a drinking problem. I used to joke and said that my worst drinking problem was, not enough money. I never admitted to myself that it was a problem.

I reached a stage in my life again where I worked in a dangerous environment and decided, for the benefit of the people under my command, I will have to refrain from drinking. I did so for little more than a year. I was under a lot of pressure at work and then, one night, the proverbial straw that broke the back of the donkey.

I was involved in a rather serious motor accident. I was helped out of the wreck, and I immediately started drinking before I could even be brought to a Hospital. After I was admitted to hospital, it was established that I was suffering severely from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Apparently it was suspected as much, but I was ever to busy to get to any means of treatment.

While in hospital, I managed to get hold of alcohol. I had a private room and managed to convince hospital staff to supply me with alcohol. After failing to treat me with Sleep-Therapy, I was released from hospital, but was placed on medication. I was not very trusting of medication, and decided to administer self-treatment, Alcohol. Not a very good idea, but back then, I used to say, 'If you are addicted to tablets, it is a mission to get off of it.' So stupid, looking back on it now.

The Start of the Nightmare

That was when the nightmare started. At that stage not as much for me as for my family. Me, being under the influence most of the time, would not, and could not realize what I was doing. I started drinking after I had my first cup of coffee in the morning. That later changed to first thing before coffee. Huge mistake and worst danger sign. But, try and convince me? I would always maintain that I could handle it. Little did I know how stupid I was. Drinking more without falling down wasn't handling it, it was dangerous.

I can not ever describe what I did to my family. Being under the influence constantly, you only know your own needs. You have a huge amount of pity for yourself. 'Nobody knows what I am going through' . 'If people know how I felt, they would understand why I drink' . That was the way my mind operated.

The more I was told that I drank to much, the more I argued that I could at least handle it. I never got drunk, stupid or feeble-minded. Part of it was right at that stage, but not totally. Everybody becomes stupid and feeble-minded. Today I know.

I never went anywhere without having a drink with me. I would even have a few drinks before going to church, and then some more behind the seat for after church. I was fortunate to have never caused an accident as a direct result of drinking. Had it happened, I just would've turned it into a bigger excuse for drinking.

I suffered from severe anger outbursts at times. I started suffering from short-term memory loss. All danger signs that I ignored. Even at the time, reading about it, I would not admit to it. It used to be a matter of, 'People are paid to tell us about the dangers.' There were no real danger except running out of money.

Unfortunately, a situation always worsen before it gets better. I ended up drinking on average 2 bottles of Whiskey a day, that is excluding a few beers in between for the thirst. I even brewed beer out of apples and pineapples, then would finish 20 litres of beer a day.

I would start drinking at 5 o'clock in the morning and would keep with it till 10 at night, sometimes even later. I had an erratic sleeping pattern which I blamed on the Post Traumatic Stress. Little did I realize that my answer to my problems served to worsen it.

Life Changing - Grandchildren

I was fortunate to have an opportunity to make a turn around. The fact that my wife never gave up on me, helped and she also never stopped praying. Having a lovely family, also helped. I became a grandfather, and I started taking care of not being stupid where the little ones were.

Everybody close to me knew that it would serve no purpose to keep on nagging me to stop my drinking. The only one who could convince me to stop drinking, would be myself. I believe that all the prayers during the years, payed of. I started to realize that I was so fortunate to have a family that still loved me and never gave up on me. Their believe in the 'me' that was lurking somewhere inside, was amazing. Most families would have given up hope.

And Then - The Stop

I never walked with a thought of, 'Next week will be a good time to stop ' or 'I will try and scale down and gradually stop .' I know myself. I new there would never be any gradual. My biggest enemy was myself. I can not do anything in moderation. Either I do it or leave it. That was what made me the worst kind of drinker. I can not drink one. One beer have to become one case. One tot of Whiskey had to become one bottle.

With the self-knowledge of my personality, I had two drinks one Saturday morning. And then, I never continued drinking. I never stopped. I just never continued.!

Stopping should never be an effort. It is something you must do. I used to fear the morning I would wake up and there would be nothing to drink. I faced that fear and decided that there is nothing that can hurt me. I decided I wanted to have my grandchildren know me as I am. I didn't want to be the stinking, drunk grandfather. I wanted to be the person I knew I could be, to make my grandchildren proud. Have them love me. Have them enjoy me and also, for me to enjoy them. I wanted a chance if there were any, to extend my living years to enjoy with the family. I wanted to make up to them, that which I shattered in the past. The trust.

I cannot say that I did all out of myself. Faith in God, my family's faith in God and in me, that gave me the strength to do it. If anyone thinks he can do it on his own. No chance. But to have the desire to change, that has to lie within you.

I have to say, I found that everybody who used to be good friends while I was drinking, suddenly disappeared. The people who didn't disappear immediately, tried to convince me to have a drink again. Now what kind of friend is that?

I decided that the people who did not like me being sober, I can live without them. I also made a point of keeping myself out of situations where alcohol will be. But I also new that it must be temporary. I had to grow strong within my faith that I knew I could succeed. I also learnt to identify my triggers. If you know your triggers, you can deal with it.

I know that I will never be able to take even one glass of wine without falling back into my old habits. It is something I have to know about myself. I have to be open to reality. One thing that is important to help you grow strong, is to know yourself. Become a person that you like. Grow in self-confidence and build your self-image. Low self-esteem and self-image can easily turn you around, I know.

I will never say that I stopped drinking. I only never continued. I just became sober and remained in that condition.

I managed to go to weddings and MC at weddings, without taking a drink, or feeling the need for a drink.

Points to Keep in Mind

• First and foremost, be honest with yourself. Denial is your worst enemy.
• Not all alcohol abusers become alcoholics, but, the consequences are just as bad.
• Never try and scale down. Either you drink or you don't drink. If you have a problem, you cannot learn moderation. If you could do it in moderation, you would never have developed a problem.
• When you have your first early morning drink, stop drinking immediately because that can be the beginning of the end.
• Do not dismiss the strength of your Spiritual environments. You can find peace and solace there. That will help you become stronger in yourself.
• You can never change that which is in the past, but you can change what lies in the here and now, and in the dreams of tomorrow.
• If you rely on alcohol to cope with your everyday or become physically depend on it, then the chances are, You are an alcoholic.
• No two persons will have exactly the same symptoms, but one common factor will always be: Most often than not, one drink is already one drink to many!

The Good News

It can be beaten. I have been 'Dry' and sober for three years now. I have been through a few crisis situations without grabbing for the bottle. Alway remember, you are not alone in it. There will always be somebody to support you. Remember the lyrics of the song 'You'l never walk alone.'

Anyone with a problem who needs words of encouragement, feel free to contact me. I will try and give support as far as I am capable.

A Useful Link

I found these links to be very informative and to the point, language that we can understand:

http://helpguide.org/mental/alcohol_abuse_alcoholism_signs_effects_treatment.htm

http://www.way2hope.org/alcoholism_signs_self-test.htm